Change Your Life

Balancing things

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 12:04:00 +0000

Well it's hotting up towards Christmas, isn't it? Not weather-wise, of course. In fact quite the opposite...it's now so wintry in our neck of the woods that walking down our road first thing yesterday morning was akin to walking on a skating rink!

No, I meant the extra busy-ness of our lives as the calendar creeps - or gallops - towards 25 December.

If your diary is anything like mine, it will be liberally scattered with various Christmas events and happenings. This year somehow seems busier than ever, with our two children now attending different schools each with their own set of Christmas festivities.

Meanwhile, my husband is digging himself deeper into his new job, working ever longer hours.

I bet there are some of you doing the same - working apparently harder and harder and still trying to juggle all the other demands on your time?

There's a brilliant article I read once in the Guardian about 'bowling rather than juggling'. It was a response to a question from a new dad about how he could cope with both a new job where he was trying to impress and his obligations (and his wife's needs) as a father. The answer was simply to give 100% focus to the job when at work and then 100% to his role as a dad when at home - one task at a time.

Of course, it's still important to ensure that the time spent on work is reasonable and that the time we give to our other demands, such as family not to mention our own needs, is also reasonable. That comes down to valuing all aspects of our lives, committing to leaving the office at a reasonable hour, saying no where appropriate, and recognising that having an appropriate balance will enable us to be more effective in all that we do.

For the new dad and for my husband, there may be times when the balance is a bit lop-sided. When that exceptional phase is over, redressing the balance will lead to a happier and healthier life for everyone.

Work-life balance is such a common, and important, theme in my coaching that I write about it a lot in my newsletter - and regularly help clients whose life balance is way out of kilter.

If you haven't already signed up, subscribe to my free newsletter in the box on my website so you receive tips on issues such as life balance. Or, if you'd like to learn about this in greater detail, and enjoy working on your own at your own pace, have a go at my online course How to Find More Time for Work and Play.

Soon you too could achieve that elusive work-life balance. What a great way to start the new year!

Leaving a legacy

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:04:00 +0000

I was out with the family planting trees in the National Forest at the weekend. The family had bought me some trees to plant to celebrate my birthday earlier this year.

The weather was cold but bright and, whilst the whole occasion was over too quickly, it felt wonderful helping to create a new forest and to leave behind some trees for future generations to enjoy. What a legacy.

I wonder what legacy you'd choose to leave behind? What would you want to be remembered for? What difference would you like to make to the world? They're challenging questions and ones I often ask my clients. Getting some clarity on that can lead to identifying things that need to change now in order to make that future a reality.

Would you wish to be remembered for the kindness you showed to others? For the peace and reconciliation you helped create in your local (or distant) community? For helping save our planet's natural resources? For making the most of, and sharing, your amazing talents? For the sense of humour and inner confidence you helped your children develop? For the time you always had for other people and for sharing their pain?

Whatever your legacy, it's good to leave one. And the time to create it is now.

So what will you do towards your legacy - today?

Getting back up again

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:59:00 +0000

I was listening to Radio 4's Desert Island Discs a day or two ago where celebrities choose the music they'd take with them if marooned on a desert island.

The interview this week was with David Davis MP. Whilst interesting, it was not his choice of music that kept my attention. Rather it was the story of his life - a literally 'rags to riches' tale. Overcoming many challenges to eventually become an MP he offered this piece of advice: "The shame is not in getting knocked down, it's in not getting back up again." Whatever your political persuasion, that's got to be good advice!

This approach to life's setbacks is widely held in America, where, for instance, it's common for companies to fail, sometimes several times, before they finally become a success - and this isn't looked on as a disaster. Far from it - it's almost a way of proving the company.

None of us can avoid life's ups and downs. For some those 'downs' can be very hard to deal with. Yet it's what we do with those down times that indicates our chances of fulfilment and happiness.

We can let the bad times knock us for six and leave us in a hole from which it's impossible to climb out. Or we can deal with the grief and sadness connected with the bad times and then pick ourselves up, and reach out once more to the world, probably stronger than before and more appreciative of the good times.

Many years ago, I suffered depression badly. A horrible experience and one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, it nevertheless left me with the feeling that I could empathise with others going through similarly difficult times, and that I am a stronger person because of it -both real blessings.

So next time we get knocked back (and we inevitably will), perhaps we can take stock, rebuild ourselves and get back up again to really live this wonderful life of ours.

A problem shared

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 13:44:00 +0000

The saying "A problem shared is a problem halved" has a lot of truth in it.

I was reminded of that at the weekend. I was attending a conference on NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and was sharing with a fellow coach my plans for my coaching practice. This was something I'd been thinking about for a while and had felt 'stuck' in terms of how best to move forward. Having shared my frustrations with her, she gave me some fascinating and practical advice on possible ways forward.

I was reminded again of the power of sharing challenges with others when I had a meeting with my coach supervisor earlier this week. Coaching supervision is a great way of sharing, confidentially, issues that come up during coaching sessions, and gaining new perspectives and insights from another professional coach. She helped me to see where I was taking on responsibility for a client's results rather than allowing that client to own the responsibility himself.

What great learning I've had this week - yet without the support of others, that learning may never have happened. My colleagues enabled me to see things that I had been unable to see on my own, and to solve problems that I'd been struggling with.

I guess that's why coaching is so effective. If you can solve all your problems and challenges on your own, you have no need of a coach. So often, though, we can get stuck and feel unable to see a way forward. Clients can gain new insights and a sounding board from their work with their coach. I sometimes refer to what I do as 'holding up a mirror so you can see yourself more clearly'. The fact that your challenges and problems are shared can enable you to cut through the fog and resolve things at last.

Next time you're feeling stuck, reach out and share it with someone - and see whether your problem is halved as a result.

Just do it!

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:27:00 +0000

That's the new-found mantra of one of my recent clients.

He came to me feeling stressed out, low, lacking in confidence, not knowing where he was going work-wise, frustrated with his current job, and fed-up with his non-existent love-life.

What a difference a few weeks makes! Since we started our work together, he's found new energy and confidence, got out there, found a new job, and started dating someone. His life's turned upside down...and for the better! Fabulous achievements of which he can be rightly proud.

You know, achieving things in life is all about action. It's not just thinking about how we'd like things to be, or worse, whingeing about what we don't like about our current situation. It's about taking the bull by the horns, and actually doing something.

As the saying goes: "If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got." If you want change, you have to do something about it.

After my client had achieved these great changes in his life, he told me: "I've realised I’ve got a choice to make – I can stay as I was or I can push my comfort zone and take some positive action. You’ve got to do it, not just think about it.”

What will you do today to make a positive change in your life? Let me know - I'd love to hear!

Making us think

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:34:00 +0000

We received an energy-saving monitor recently. It's a fabulous little gadget. Plug it in and connect it with your electricity meter and it tells you exactly how much electricity you're using at any one time, along with how much that's costing you. Switch on or off an electrical device like a light or the computer and you can immediately see the impact. Scary stuff!

It's certainly made us think more about how we use things round the house. It's so easy to leave a computer whirring away whilst going to collect the kids, or keep the television on standby instead of switching it off completely.

Of course, it's not just the impact on our own finances - though that's scary enough. Being lazy with our electricity usage means a larger carbon footprint and less resources to share with our world's poorer nations.

It's interesting how sometimes things happen to make us sit up and think. Maybe the comment of a friend, an item in a newspaper, a fascinating book, film or programme. And suddenly we can find we do things just slightly differently.

How fabulous that we have numerous opportunities in our lives to just do things a little differently or better.

I wonder what's made you think this week?

New-found self-confidence

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:23:00 +0000

It's always fabulous to hear of the achievements clients of mine make.

I had a chat with an ex-client a couple of days ago. She came to me originally fearing taking steps forward with her life partly because of her own self-doubt and lack of confidence in herself. Yet she's now making brave decisions such as learning to swim after a life-time of fearing the water, and throwing a party she's been promising herself for months if not years that she hasn't previously had the courage or energy to organise. And she's even started a new relationship - you can see the resulting twinkle in her eyes for the first time in ages.

Many people I work with struggle with self-confidence and self-esteem either in a work or home setting or both. Their lack of confidence stops them from achieving many of the things they'd like to in life. Their own fears and self-doubt hold them back and prevent them from living life in all its fullness.

Yet when they begin to see the greatness within themselves, the choices that they have and learn the courage and motivation needed to take positive steps forward, their world begins to really open up.

How fantastic is that? To be able to do all the things we want to in life!

You know, there's an old saying that goes "It's not the things you do that you regret, but the things you don't do." How true that is.

So, if lack of confidence or belief in yourself is holding you back, then how about doing something about it today to change things? Read a book such as Susan Jeffers' excellent Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway or Paul McKenna's Instant Confidence. Or sign up for my online course How to Build Supreme Self-Confidence complete with simple, practical tips, techniques and resources so you can feel confident and in control.

And then, when you're feeling more confident, you, too, can do all those things you've been waiting for!

Too tired

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:01:00 +0000

Whoa...... I'm a touch tired today.

Why? Well, it's been a weeny bit busy recently. My husband's been wrapping up one job and just started another - and preparing for a singing competition his choir's taking part in soon. That means much of the looking after family and home has fallen to me.

I'm not alone. Our daughter is 'on her knees' part way through a long first term at her secondary school and with the added pressure of regular homework. And a client of mine is really struggling with tiredness with three of the most stressful things happening in short succession - a new, more responsible job, a new house and a new baby.

We fill our lives (and our children's lives) with activities, commitments, responsibilities and then feel exhausted.

You know, we humans are a bit like rechargeable batteries. If we recognise we can only do so much and then we need some rest and relaxation, we do OK. If we set too high expectations for ourselves and try to cram in too much without attending to our needs for rest, we're heading for exhaustion and burn-out.

Our daughter at age 11 is back to 7pm bedtimes - OK, it's not 'cool' at that age to have such an early bedtime, but it's exactly what she needs. And I'm speaking to the school about the homework she's currently receiving in order to ease the pressure.

My client is learning to relax - a challenge for him, but with the use of my Ultimate Relaxation CD (see the Choices page of my website) to help him on his way, and the realisation that making time for R & R is not a cop-out but essential to help him cope with the rest of life, he's getting there.

And I'm off for an early night tonight and am building some 'time-out' into my week.

So, if you're feeling a little tired, get yourself some decent R & R, and start to feel better!

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:28:00 +0000

OK, so we can't all be Keira Knightley or Brad Pitt (I wish!) but we all do have to look in the mirror from time to time. I wonder if we like what we see?

And it's not just about external attractiveness, is it? I guess it must be wonderful to have the face of an angel (or whatever) but what's underneath is arguably much more important in the attractiveness stakes.

But do we see that when we look in the mirror? Or do we tend to just see a care-worn, or lined face staring back at ourselves?

How we see ourselves depends to a great extent, not on our external beauty, but on the messages we give ourselves. Do we talk ourselves up or down?

One life coach I know told me how when he gets up each morning, he faces himself in the mirror and says to his reflection: "I love you". How fabulous is that? And given he's cuddly and will hardly make the cover of Vogue (or any other glossy, for that matter), this is about speaking from the heart.

I don't know if he believes what he says to himself - actually I hope he does, because he IS a lovely person. It doesn't really matter. The point is, he's giving himself daily messages that will contradict any tendency to do himself down. The negative is replaced by something positive and powerful. If he doesn't already, he will, in time, re-programme his mind to believe in himself and in his loving and lovable nature.

When a new client started recently, I was explaining to them how one of my jobs as a coach was to 'hold up a mirror' in front of them, so they could get to know the wonderful person that they already are. She's already discovering the truth of this - and is starting to not only get to know and understand herself better, but to actually like what she sees.

I hope that soon she'll be able to look in the mirror and say that she loves herself or that she's fabulous. I'm sure she will.

So how about you? What will you say next time you see yourself in the mirror?

Too little time

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 09:25:00 +0000

Many of my current clients are struggling with a similar issue - too little time and too much to do in it.

Time management and how to effectively take control of what we do when is a common theme in much of my coaching. So many of us seem to have such busy lives with several, often conflicting pressures on our time.

One client I'm working with is trying to wrap up her current job before starting a new role, and finding she's having to deal with issues from both her present and future work at the same time. She had been finding her current role very stressful and demanding and had little time for herself, her husband or her friends. She's made huge strides through her coaching and despite her current 'double' workload, she's managing to take charge of her work and home life and is even finding time for herself.

Another client had her life completely out of balance - with no time and little energy to feel on top of anything at home or work. Needless to say, she was feeling exhausted and a constant failure. With work on how she views herself and her life, and some practical strategies for managing her workload she's already feeling much calmer, less stressed and more in control of what she does and when she does it.

The work-life balance of another client was completely out of kilter - he had huge expectations of himself which meant he rarely achieved what he set out to achieve and he felt stressed and exhausted much of the time. By helping him to see how he was sabotaging his own success and giving him tips and techniques for looking after himself he's starting to feel more relaxed and recognising that changing the way he approaches his time will mean he finds time for home, family and himself as well as his work.

I'm very privileged to work with fabulous people such as these who realise that things have to change, and to help them find a different and better way. I can't describe how wonderful it is to coach someone to the stage where they are able to change the habits, behaviours and thought processes that are limiting them so they are off and flying. Suddenly their load becomes lighter and they approach their life with renewed energy, motivation and confidence.

As time management is such a common issue, I'm sharing some practical tips on this in my newsletter. If you want to receive tips on this and other common themes, sign up for my free newsletter on my webpage http://www.ejlifecoaching.co.uk/

Looking after yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 10:09:00 +0000

We have a lovely friend staying with us at the moment. He's a wonderful person - extremely caring, generous, kind-hearted, fun, and interesting to talk with. Yet he's currently unable to see any of that in himself - he's suffering from depression. Years of stress in a job where politics and targets were everything and individuals mattered little (if at all) have taken their toll and he's really struggling. He will feel better again - depression is an illness, and will pass like any other when it's run its course and he's given himself the care and tlc he needs.

This friend isn't the only person we know who is having a really tough time at the moment. I personally know four other people struggling with depression and four others with chronic fatigue syndrome or something similar.

Some of this ill health could be put down to bad luck. But we are far more able to take charge of our own health than we always realise.

I know, from personal experience of depression, that the illness can be caused as much by the way we choose to run our lives as from 'bad luck' or external factors. When I was unwell with depression, in my late teens, it was mainly due to the high expectations I had of myself and the way I pushed myself when I needed to rest. In an odd way, I'm grateful for the depression - not only does it help me empathise with others who struggle with the illness, but also it gave me a much-needed 'wake up call' to remind me to take care of myself. I have not had depression since.

We humans are the most amazing machines. Yet we fail to look after them at our peril. Even our cars have regular MOTs and services to keep them performing well and to put right anything wrong. Don't we deserve at least as good treatment as that?

And our bodies are even fantastic at giving us signals when something's wrong - we feel poorly or tired, we aren't able to focus or concentrate properly, our emotions run high, or we don't sleep well. But do we listen?

If you want to maintain good health, you have to start listening to your body and what it's telling you. If it needs rest, adjust things so you can give it rest. If it's feeling unwell, it's in need of some tlc. If you can't concentrate, your emotions run away with you or you don't sleep well, work out what the problem is and do something about it to change things. And it you can't, find someone who can help you work out what the problem is and how to overcome it.

Let me know if you think I may be able to help (call 0115 925 2552 or email me at elizabeth.juffs@ejlifecoaching.co.uk).

This is your life - be well and enjoy it!

Positive thinking

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 09:14:00 +0000

I had my ability to think positively severely challenged this week.

We were packing up from a holiday in the Lake District. Our time had been good and we'd managed a few lovely walks in the fabulous countryside, enjoying the peace and the beautiful scenery. But our time away had been peppered with showers (some heavy) and grey, leaden skies had followed wherever we were. The long-awaited trip to the beach, eagerly anticipated by our children, had never happened - the thought of huddling in fleeces under an umbrella whilst battling to construct sandcastles in the rain somehow didn't appeal.

Then, just as we were clearing up to leave for home, the sun came out. We travelled back in glorious, warm sunshine.

My mood changed from one of holiday lightness to gloom and frustration.

I guess many of us have had moments this summer when the weather has just got us down. Certainly our British summer has had long stretches when it has lived up to its soggy reputation.

Fortunately, on the way back home from our holiday, I realised that remaining in a glum mood would do me and my family no good. Nor would it change the weather.

So instead of thinking about the weather, I began to notice the lovely scenery we were passing and to re-live in my mind all the good times we'd had whilst away. Before long my gloom had passed, and with the children putting on a (not always in tune!) vocal recital from the back seats, I found I could smile and laugh again.

It's so easy to find ourselves sliding into a negative mindset -because of the weather, the conversation we've just had, the stresses and strains of everyday living, or whatever. Our choice is what to do with that mood. Do we choose to remain negative, and find the rest of our day just adding to our gloom? Or do we choose to look for and find the positive, so our spirits lift and we can enjoy life again? It's our choice.

One trick to help you think positively again is to find something that's good to hold and easy to keep in your pocket - a smooth pebble, a beautiful shell picked up from a happy holiday, perhaps, or a tiny framed photo of a loved one. Each time you find your mood dropping, touch the keepsake and remind yourself of the happy memories surrounding it and the things your grateful for.

Try it today! Find something you can treasure, pop it in your pocket, and enjoy the warm, positive feelings and memories it brings.

Well, it's started raining again, so I'm off to bring in the washing whilst I remember all the great things we did on holiday!

The higher the stakes

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:48:00 +0000

I was out gardening at the weekend - taking advantage of the rain-softened soil to do some much-needed weeding. After a little while, I realised I wasn't alone. A female blackbird was hopping bravely nearby, gambling on finding some freshly-revealed grubs and worms.

As I continued my work, I noticed that she repeatedly took the risk of coming closer to me to find food, then disappeared for a few moments, only to reappear and start the whole process over again. She was clearly feeding a young, hungry family.

The many birds in our garden, apart from inquisitive robins, tend to keep well away when any of us are around. Yet this blackbird obviously felt it was worth the risk of venturing closer to ensure her young got the food they needed. The stakes were high enough for her to take the opportunity when she saw it.

This got me thinking... How high do the stakes need to be for us to take a risk - to do something that may improve our own health or happiness? For many, the idea of taking a risk or doing something different can be too scary and we retreat into the familiar and the comfortable. This is understandable - after all, we are human. Yet, we maintain the status quo at our peril.

I come across clients time and again for whom things have been far from right for a long while. They've been prepared to put up with things, rather than face the possible fear of change. They may not want to commit the time, effort or money to improve things. Meanwhile they suffer the consequences of their inaction - stress, unhappiness, lowered self-esteem to mention just a few.

It's often only when the stakes are high enough - perhaps when they're facing ill health, difficulties with their relationships, or real misery - that they feel able to take action.

If this sounds like you, ask yourself "How high do the stakes need to be before you take action? Before you take some risks to improve things? Before you invest in a better future for yourself?"

You could choose to do nothing. Or you could just decide today is the day to do something different and invest in yourself and your future.

Saving money

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:01:00 +0000

We've heard a lot in the news recently about the declining economic climate. Whether we believe the hype or not, I'm sure we've all felt the pinch when filling up with petrol or doing the latest household shopping.

As you might have gathered by now, I'm passionate about what I do - helping others to really find and reach their potential and to get the most out of life.

What saddens me, is the number of people who put off doing anything about themselves and their lives, often because of money pressures. Of course, I'm not disputing that, given a choice between a meal on the table and self-improvement, we'd go for the meal every time.

Often, though, the choices aren't as stark as that. We know we really want to change things about our lives for the better, but we start feeling the pinch, or feel we should tighten the purse-strings, and decide to put it off - again.

A good question to ask ourselves, if that approach sounds familiar, is "What will it take before I do take action?"

Sometimes the money side of things is just hiding another fear that's stopping us moving forward. Perhaps we're scared of the enormity of the changes we need to make, or don't feel ready to face a different future, even though we might be desperately unhappy with our current reality.

And, amazing though it might sound, often just biting the bullet and making the changes we need to make can create such a brighter - and wealthier - future, that we kick ourselves for not doing something about it much earlier.

I may have told you about the lady who came to me to find herself and her zest for life again after years of bringing up children. Not only did she regain her old self-confidence and take up hobbies she'd previously only dreamed of, but she even saved herself £500 a month - yes, per month! - by working on her budgeting. In fact, the money she saved paid for far more than the cost of the coaching - and she gained a much happier, more positive future into the bargain.

So it might serve us well, when we start to feel the pinch, to ask ourselves what we choose to spend money on and whether the financial decisions we're making will really lead to a better, wealthier future.

When will YOU start to invest in your own future?

Feeling uplifted

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:10:00 +0000

I was at a women's business networking event a few days ago. It was really good to meet up with people there, some of whom I'd met before, others who were new to me, and nearly all of whom shared the joys and frustrations of working for themselves.

Perhaps the best thing about the event was hearing the speaker, Ann Martin, talk to us all about, to put it bluntly, getting off our arses and making some changes in order to achieve what we want to achieve.

Ann is an amazing, dynamo of a woman who runs her own networking group for women, alongside all the training and mentoring she does for small businesses. Most of all, she's always inspiring and uplifting - fabulous gifts which she uses to great effect in all her talks.

It's great to come across people who are positive, motivating and inspiring. And it's one of the best ways to keep ourselves uplifted and positive. It can be so easy to slide down that awful spiral of feeling negative, getting caught up in a world that just feels to bring us down. Perhaps our work isn't going as well as we'd like, or our family are jarring on our nerves, or the weather is bad, or our finances aren't as great as we'd like.

Yet, spend a few minutes with someone who's positive and inspiring (as long as we have ears to hear), and our view of the world can change dramatically. Suddenly things seem brighter, we begin to notice the good things around us, and we feel motivated to action.

I'd definitely recommend it! Take a long, hard look at who you spend time with and seek out those who leave you with a smile on you face. Then use that positive energy to spread some more good vibes to those around you, so that powerful, uplifting force gets passed on.

Actually, thinking about it, it we all did more to seek out and then pass on those powerful, uplifting vibes, soon our world would be a much more positive place.

So, how about it?

How to feel a success

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:33:00 +0000

It's been a rainy old weekend this weekend! Despite that, there have been some great triumphs - not least those of Venus Williams and Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon (wasn't that a great tennis match?)

I, too, had my own, perhaps smaller yet no less significant, triumph this weekend - I got to the end of my 'to do' list! OK, so my 'to do' list only had 4 items on it, but nevertheless they were all completed and I ended up feeling great.

Isn't it a wonderful feeling when we achieve everything we set out to do? Trouble is, too often we set ourselves too huge a task, and end up, yet again, feeling defeated.

How easy is it to plan to achieve lots of things and end up only completing half of them? This is particularly common if we tend to have too high expectations of ourselves (and others) or if we have children. (It took me years to realise that, with children, everything takes about 3 times as long!) It can also be a challenge to recognise that we need to plan in time for playing / talking / being with our children, as well as the inevitable fetching and carrying and dealing with their many interruptions and needs.

So, what was different this weekend? Well, I'd mentally ear-marked time for being with the children, so we could do a few activities together and play a game or two. I'd also adjusted my list so that it reflected what I felt I could achieve in less than a day, as that would then leave time for all the other things that pop up unexpectedly. Of course, I have another 'wish list' of things I'd like to do, or even have to do but aren't quite as urgent. These are for dealing with another day.

Then I calmly worked my way through my 4 'to do' items, involving the children too wherever appropriate (it's amazing how much enjoyment children can get out of sweeping up and even though we inevitably have to help out a bit, it can really save time as the kids get more adept).

If you often find yourself never getting to the end of that 'to do' list, why not have a go at setting yourself up for success too? ....be realistic about what can be achieved in the time (save the rest for another day); recognise the time that children take and adjust appropriately; get others to help if you can (make it a fun activity for the children - just leave extra time for it!)

It really is a great feeling when you achieve what you set out to do. I hope you enjoy that feeling too!

Stormy waters

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:09:00 +0000

I was having a discussion with friends this weekend around the theme 'stormy waters' - those difficult phases in our lives when we're thrown off-course and we can really struggle.

It reminded me of an occasion when I was literally caught in a storm. I was on a dinghy sailing holiday in Greece. Each day the group, inexperienced and experienced sailors alike, would sail out in convoy to a new destination and then back again.

On this particular day the boat I was in included two men, neither of whom I knew and neither had sailed before. Following a wonderful sail in glorious sunshine over to a neighbouring island and a delicious barbecue, the instructors suddenly asked the group to get ready to sail back very quickly. We couldn't understand why - we were on a relaxing holiday, after all.

Within minutes of leaving the shore, the grim reality struck home. A storm began, and all the boats were lashed with high wind, heavy swell and rain. It was difficult to see each other's boats, let alone steer a straight course.

Very soon the wind was so high that the boat was tilting dangerously, threatening to capsize.

It was all very frightening. My fellow passengers were clinging to anything they could hold onto in the boat. But none of that was helping to keep the boat upright. I was leaning desperately out of the dinghy, trying to balance it, whilst they steadfastly remained in the middle of the boat. Asking them to move politely had little effect.

I knew we would capsize unless we all worked together to right the boat.

Not one usually to resort to expletives, I shouted one or two choice words at my companions to get them over to my side. From that moment on, we worked as a team to balance the boat.

Thankfully, we made it back to the shore - and we felt fabulous for doing so. Some in the other boats had to be rescued from the sea and various points along the coast. Fortunately, no-one was lost. Within an hour of returning, the sea had become like a millpond.

The experience was one I would not wish to repeat. However, it was a great learning opportunity....

Pushing the boundaries of our comfort zone can be very scary, but can also bring a huge sense of achievement and enable us to recognise our skills and abilities.

Working with others as a team we can achieve things we thought were impossible.

Sometimes we have to be a bit cruel (or even use expletives!) to be kind.

It is possible to survive the harshest of storms, and even storms have to end.

I'm not planning on sailing through any more stormy waters, though none of us can avoid some of life's storms. So when the next one hits us, perhaps we can remember that if we draw on our own (and others') amazing resources and skills, we can get through it and the storm will end.

Giving it away

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:00:00 +0000

I'm reading a great book at the moment - The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards.

It's about the decision of a father to take his Down's Syndrome daughter from the mother at the birth of the girl and her twin brother and give her to a nurse. He tells his wife the child died, leaving the mother only aware of her son's birth. The story tells of the ongoing huge impact the father's momentous decision has on the whole family.

It is beautifully written and the mounting tension and grief of the different individuals over this devastating secret is fascinating.

Aside from the engaging story-line, there is one particular paragraph which stood out for me. It tells of a meeting between the father and the nurse he'd entrusted with his daughter. It talks about how she'd felt she loved the father all those years ago: "She had been so young, so lonely and naive, that she imagined herself as some sort of vessel to be filled up with love. But it wasn't like that. The love was within her all the time, and its only renewal came from giving it away."

Many people I come into contact with through my work feel empty of love when we first meet. They feel unfulfilled and are desperate to have a 'proper' relationship with someone.

Often it takes a while before they see that love doesn't just happen. Love is about being in a position to be able to offer, as well as receive, love. Love is about loving yourself first before you can be loveable to others. About thinking how you can go out into the world and share your friendship, your talents, your warmth with others, rather than how they can fall in love with you.

Get the focus right - giving away your love - and love for you will usually follow.

Have a great day

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:16:00 +0000

Still on the 'travel' theme, we've just come back from a trip to America.

It's fascinating discovering how our English-speaking neighbours, just across the Atlantic, do things in some ways so similar and in others so differently to us in the UK.

One habit many Americans have is to close any conversation with "Have a great day!" This can be really endearing, particularly when said by someone who seems to take a real interest in you and when accompanied by a smile. The UK still has much to learn from the US about customer service - on many occasions we experienced the really polite, interested and friendly help that makes any transaction so much more enjoyable and personal.

I also read a few American newspapers whilst I was away. One reported some recent research about how to feel good. I forget the detail of much of the article, but it concluded by reporting on new evidence that the act of simply smiling can actually make us feel better.

This backs up something that's been known for some while. That if you want to improve how you feel, acting 'as if' can actually help you become like that. For example, if you want to improve your confidence in meeting a new group of people, simply pretending to be confident in those situations can have the desired effect.

Back to the research about smiling, one of the reasons it works could be to do with the fact that if you smile, it can be contagious, and you'll find those around you smile more too. And of course our bodies are well used to connecting the act of smiling with feeling good - so by smiling we're tricking ourselves that we feel good, even though we may not have started out that way.

Worth a try? Why not?

Have a great day!

Our global society

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Tue, 27 May 2008 10:45:00 +0000

I've recently returned from a weekend family get-together.

It's the second time we've enjoyed something similar - a great idea as, without these weekends, the only time we'd otherwise all see each other is at a wedding or a funeral....and why wait till then?

The gathering took place in the UK, but was mainly organised by my uncle who lives in Germany. He's married to a German lady and he and his sons think nothing of travelling the globe. My uncle regularly travels to Africa in his work, one of his sons has just flown in from Australia and another has been living and working in Zimbabwe for some time.

Thinking about the far-flung places that different members of the family had travelled from made me think about the incredibly global nature of today's society.

With the technology we now have access to, we can contact people in an instant, all over the world. A sister-in-law sent me texts from her recent holiday in New Zealand, we can download information through the Internet from almost anywhere, and I can speak to and coach people living on the other side of the world.

I have subscribers to my newsletter from as far afield as Saudi Arabia, the USA, Australia, India and Fiji.

What an amazing world we live in and what a huge amount of opportunities there are - which were never available to our grandparents.

I guess it's our place to make the most of these opportunities and to look after this wonderful, yet sometimes very small, world of ours.

Love is in the air

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Tue, 20 May 2008 10:30:00 +0000

I'm thinking of setting up a dating agency.

OK, not really, but two of my recent clients have successfully proposed to their partners and are doubtless, as I write, getting their plans for the Big Day in order. How great is that?

The first, you may remember, was a lovely lady who took the opportunity of this Leap Year to pop the question on February 29th (see my blog entry of Thursday 6 March 2008).

The next is a great chap who I coached towards the end of last year. He'd hit a really low phase, his social life and love life were in tatters, and he'd lost confidence in himself.

Six months on and things have never looked better for him. He contacted me to let me know his good news: "I couldn't be happier. So much so that I proposed yesterday, and she accepted! ...... It's amazing that my life has changed so much in a year. Anyway, just really wanted to share the good news with you as you have played a part in how my life has changed."

You know, it's fascinating how, when we start to take control of our lives, and to find the positive, things tend to just fall into place.

It's also true that we need the 'dark' bits in order to give shade to our 'light'. Maybe this chap's low period, unpleasant though it was, was just what was called for to give him the impetus to move forwards. And now things are going well he can appreciate them so much more.

It's a real pleasure and delight to be part of a person's growth from the less good bits to the much better (if not fantastic) bits.

Maybe I should call my coaching practice ej life coaching and matchmaking?

Fear of flying

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Mon, 12 May 2008 11:51:00 +0000

It's approaching holiday time and many of you may be thinking of jetting off somewhere soon. Or not...

A client of mine recently told me about her fear of flying and how she overcame this. She explained how her dislike of flying had prevented her visiting some amazing places and ruined many holidays. Her anxiety became so great that she stopped flying altogether. Instead, she and her husband used to travel by either motorbike or car - her longest and most ridiculous journey being from England to Sardinia!

Since then, she's done a lot of work on positive thinking and taken some positive action. She recognised the need to get take control of her fear of flying. So she enrolled on the Aviatours Fear of Flying course at Manchester airport. It is a day course split into 3 parts - the first taken by a BA pilot who talked through practical matters, aviation laws etc, the second led by a psychologist and the last part a 40 minute flight around the Isle of Mann.

The course had dramatic results. In her words: "Today I returned from a 5 day golfing break with 15 other ladies from the golf club. We have had a marvellous time - faultless. I handled the flights (3 hours each way due to head winds) very well. I completed 2 puzzles on each journey (never done before) and am now looking forward to trying places I have never done before."

The course obviously had a profoundly positive effect on her. More than that, because she had grown as a person, and recognised the impact of taking charge of her life, she was able to make important decisions that meant she could overcome barriers and get the most out of her life.

I don't know where she's off to this summer - but you can bet she will no longer be hampered by her fear flying.

Overcoming procrastination

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Tue, 06 May 2008 11:03:00 +0000

My husband's currently applying for a job. He's really interested in the job - even excited about it. Trouble is, he's finding everything else he needs to do instead of just getting on with it!

Sounds familiar?

I guess we all suffer from procrastination at times. Usually when we have other things we'd much rather be doing, or when we simply don't enjoy the task in hand. Or maybe, like today, when the sun's shining, it's a glorious day, and we'd much rather be outside!

I'm writing some tips for avoiding procrastination in my newsletter this week (sign up on the form on my website to subscribe - it's free). In short, key tips include making sure the task is something important to you and that you can benefit from (even if the task is your job, so if you don't do it you might get fired!), break big things down into small steps, add in some rewards (e.g. how will you treat yourself when it's complete?) and don't try to be perfect, just good enough, in what you do.

I also stumbled across this webpage that has an article on how to overcome procrastination, which speaks a lot of sense.

OK, I'm off to help my husband with his application. Oh yes, that's the other tip - get help from someone else to kick-start things!

How to get a salary rise

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:28:00 +0000

This may seem an odd title for me to blog about. Let me explain...

Yesterday I was interviewed on Radio Nottingham, along with a financial consultant, on the subject of '5 easy steps to getting a pay rise'. They wanted my input as a Life Coach because they recognised getting a rise is not just about what you say or do - it's about feeling confident and assertive enough to gain the best possible outcome.

The interview was great fun and interesting to hear the input both of the financial consultant and of the viewers as they called in to make their comments and ask questions.

Of course, no matter what you do you can never guarantee you will be given a pay rise - especially in the current climate of tightening belts. However there are some things you can do to give yourself a better chance - something I'll be going into more detail about in one of my newsletters (sign up now in the form on my website if you haven't already done so!) For now, my key tips are to have the facts at your fingertips as to why you deserve higher pay, to be clear, confident and assertive (and certainly not aggressive or negative) in your discussion with your boss, and, if you don't succeed this time, not to dwell on it....you may be more lucky (and more skilled) next time, or you may even find a better paid job elsewhere.

I also found the research I did before the programme fascinating, and I stumbled across some interesting websites that give information about salaries. One, from tiscali, has an article giving advice about working out how much you should be paid and where to go to find out what salary to expect for different jobs. Another, from Pay Wizard, has a tool that allows you to compare your salary against others doing similar jobs - although it doesn't claim to cover all job sectors, and you can help widen its knowledge base of job salaries by undertaking its salary survey. And a final one I discovered, from This Is Money, lists average salaries for numerous jobs in the UK. - though I personally think some of the salaries listed have to be taken with a large pinch of salt!

Happy reading...and let me know if you do successfully negotiate a pay rise - I'd love to hear!

Facing the wrong way

noreply@blogger.com (Elizabeth Juffs) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 12:04:00 +0000

I was having one of those 'wobbly' moments recently when I start to think I'm not good enough as a wife or mother.....yes, life coaches sometimes get those too!

My husband was reassuring me that everything was fine and reminding me of all the great things I do with and for him and the children. Still down in the dumps, I replied "Yes, but I can't see that."

Quick as a flash he said: "It's not surprising you can't see it for yourself - your eyes are facing the wrong way."

How true is that! It can be so easy to see things for other people - to recognise their abilities, the things they're good at, what to change in order to improve things, and so on. Yet so much harder to do the same for ourselves.

Most of my clients come to me for coaching because they recognise things aren't right, but don't know what to do or how to do it on their own. And they need someone else to recognise and remind them of their capabilities before they can move forwards.

It's even true that many times clients do know, deep down, what they need to do and how to do it. Yet until someone who can be objective and non-judgemental helps them dig into their own inner wisdom, they're stuck.

Coaching is about being the client's eyes, or maybe mirror, so they can clearly and confidently see the way forward, and then act on that new knowledge.

So next time you find yourself diminishing yourself and what you do, find someone who can help you clearly see the way forward. You never know what heights it might take you to.

Meantime, I'm off to continue being a more than good enough wife and mother - and Life Coach!