Too tired

Whoa...... I'm a touch tired today.

Why? Well, it's been a weeny bit busy recently. My husband's been wrapping up one job and just started another - and preparing for a singing competition his choir's taking part in soon. That means much of the looking after family and home has fallen to me.

I'm not alone. Our daughter is 'on her knees' part way through a long first term at her secondary school and with the added pressure of regular homework. And a client of mine is really struggling with tiredness with three of the most stressful things happening in short succession - a new, more responsible job, a new house and a new baby.

We fill our lives (and our children's lives) with activities, commitments, responsibilities and then feel exhausted.

You know, we humans are a bit like rechargeable batteries. If we recognise we can only do so much and then we need some rest and relaxation, we do OK. If we set too high expectations for ourselves and try to cram in too much without attending to our needs for rest, we're heading for exhaustion and burn-out.

Our daughter at age 11 is back to 7pm bedtimes - OK, it's not 'cool' at that age to have such an early bedtime, but it's exactly what she needs. And I'm speaking to the school about the homework she's currently receiving in order to ease the pressure.

My client is learning to relax - a challenge for him, but with the use of my Ultimate Relaxation CD (see the Choices page of my website) to help him on his way, and the realisation that making time for R & R is not a cop-out but essential to help him cope with the rest of life, he's getting there.

And I'm off for an early night tonight and am building some 'time-out' into my week.

So, if you're feeling a little tired, get yourself some decent R & R, and start to feel better!

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

OK, so we can't all be Keira Knightley or Brad Pitt (I wish!) but we all do have to look in the mirror from time to time. I wonder if we like what we see?

And it's not just about external attractiveness, is it? I guess it must be wonderful to have the face of an angel (or whatever) but what's underneath is arguably much more important in the attractiveness stakes.

But do we see that when we look in the mirror? Or do we tend to just see a care-worn, or lined face staring back at ourselves?

How we see ourselves depends to a great extent, not on our external beauty, but on the messages we give ourselves. Do we talk ourselves up or down?

One life coach I know told me how when he gets up each morning, he faces himself in the mirror and says to his reflection: "I love you". How fabulous is that? And given he's cuddly and will hardly make the cover of Vogue (or any other glossy, for that matter), this is about speaking from the heart.

I don't know if he believes what he says to himself - actually I hope he does, because he IS a lovely person. It doesn't really matter. The point is, he's giving himself daily messages that will contradict any tendency to do himself down. The negative is replaced by something positive and powerful. If he doesn't already, he will, in time, re-programme his mind to believe in himself and in his loving and lovable nature.

When a new client started recently, I was explaining to them how one of my jobs as a coach was to 'hold up a mirror' in front of them, so they could get to know the wonderful person that they already are. She's already discovering the truth of this - and is starting to not only get to know and understand herself better, but to actually like what she sees.

I hope that soon she'll be able to look in the mirror and say that she loves herself or that she's fabulous. I'm sure she will.

So how about you? What will you say next time you see yourself in the mirror?

Too little time

Many of my current clients are struggling with a similar issue - too little time and too much to do in it.

Time management and how to effectively take control of what we do when is a common theme in much of my coaching. So many of us seem to have such busy lives with several, often conflicting pressures on our time.

One client I'm working with is trying to wrap up her current job before starting a new role, and finding she's having to deal with issues from both her present and future work at the same time. She had been finding her current role very stressful and demanding and had little time for herself, her husband or her friends. She's made huge strides through her coaching and despite her current 'double' workload, she's managing to take charge of her work and home life and is even finding time for herself.

Another client had her life completely out of balance - with no time and little energy to feel on top of anything at home or work. Needless to say, she was feeling exhausted and a constant failure. With work on how she views herself and her life, and some practical strategies for managing her workload she's already feeling much calmer, less stressed and more in control of what she does and when she does it.

The work-life balance of another client was completely out of kilter - he had huge expectations of himself which meant he rarely achieved what he set out to achieve and he felt stressed and exhausted much of the time. By helping him to see how he was sabotaging his own success and giving him tips and techniques for looking after himself he's starting to feel more relaxed and recognising that changing the way he approaches his time will mean he finds time for home, family and himself as well as his work.

I'm very privileged to work with fabulous people such as these who realise that things have to change, and to help them find a different and better way. I can't describe how wonderful it is to coach someone to the stage where they are able to change the habits, behaviours and thought processes that are limiting them so they are off and flying. Suddenly their load becomes lighter and they approach their life with renewed energy, motivation and confidence.

As time management is such a common issue, I'm sharing some practical tips on this in my newsletter. If you want to receive tips on this and other common themes, sign up for my free newsletter on my webpage http://www.ejlifecoaching.co.uk/

Looking after yourself

We have a lovely friend staying with us at the moment. He's a wonderful person - extremely caring, generous, kind-hearted, fun, and interesting to talk with. Yet he's currently unable to see any of that in himself - he's suffering from depression. Years of stress in a job where politics and targets were everything and individuals mattered little (if at all) have taken their toll and he's really struggling. He will feel better again - depression is an illness, and will pass like any other when it's run its course and he's given himself the care and tlc he needs.

This friend isn't the only person we know who is having a really tough time at the moment. I personally know four other people struggling with depression and four others with chronic fatigue syndrome or something similar.

Some of this ill health could be put down to bad luck. But we are far more able to take charge of our own health than we always realise.

I know, from personal experience of depression, that the illness can be caused as much by the way we choose to run our lives as from 'bad luck' or external factors. When I was unwell with depression, in my late teens, it was mainly due to the high expectations I had of myself and the way I pushed myself when I needed to rest. In an odd way, I'm grateful for the depression - not only does it help me empathise with others who struggle with the illness, but also it gave me a much-needed 'wake up call' to remind me to take care of myself. I have not had depression since.

We humans are the most amazing machines. Yet we fail to look after them at our peril. Even our cars have regular MOTs and services to keep them performing well and to put right anything wrong. Don't we deserve at least as good treatment as that?

And our bodies are even fantastic at giving us signals when something's wrong - we feel poorly or tired, we aren't able to focus or concentrate properly, our emotions run high, or we don't sleep well. But do we listen?

If you want to maintain good health, you have to start listening to your body and what it's telling you. If it needs rest, adjust things so you can give it rest. If it's feeling unwell, it's in need of some tlc. If you can't concentrate, your emotions run away with you or you don't sleep well, work out what the problem is and do something about it to change things. And it you can't, find someone who can help you work out what the problem is and how to overcome it.

Let me know if you think I may be able to help (call 0115 925 2552 or email me at elizabeth.juffs@ejlifecoaching.co.uk).

This is your life - be well and enjoy it!

Positive thinking

I had my ability to think positively severely challenged this week.

We were packing up from a holiday in the Lake District. Our time had been good and we'd managed a few lovely walks in the fabulous countryside, enjoying the peace and the beautiful scenery. But our time away had been peppered with showers (some heavy) and grey, leaden skies had followed wherever we were. The long-awaited trip to the beach, eagerly anticipated by our children, had never happened - the thought of huddling in fleeces under an umbrella whilst battling to construct sandcastles in the rain somehow didn't appeal.

Then, just as we were clearing up to leave for home, the sun came out. We travelled back in glorious, warm sunshine.

My mood changed from one of holiday lightness to gloom and frustration.

I guess many of us have had moments this summer when the weather has just got us down. Certainly our British summer has had long stretches when it has lived up to its soggy reputation.

Fortunately, on the way back home from our holiday, I realised that remaining in a glum mood would do me and my family no good. Nor would it change the weather.

So instead of thinking about the weather, I began to notice the lovely scenery we were passing and to re-live in my mind all the good times we'd had whilst away. Before long my gloom had passed, and with the children putting on a (not always in tune!) vocal recital from the back seats, I found I could smile and laugh again.

It's so easy to find ourselves sliding into a negative mindset -because of the weather, the conversation we've just had, the stresses and strains of everyday living, or whatever. Our choice is what to do with that mood. Do we choose to remain negative, and find the rest of our day just adding to our gloom? Or do we choose to look for and find the positive, so our spirits lift and we can enjoy life again? It's our choice.

One trick to help you think positively again is to find something that's good to hold and easy to keep in your pocket - a smooth pebble, a beautiful shell picked up from a happy holiday, perhaps, or a tiny framed photo of a loved one. Each time you find your mood dropping, touch the keepsake and remind yourself of the happy memories surrounding it and the things your grateful for.

Try it today! Find something you can treasure, pop it in your pocket, and enjoy the warm, positive feelings and memories it brings.

Well, it's started raining again, so I'm off to bring in the washing whilst I remember all the great things we did on holiday!