Stormy waters

I was having a discussion with friends this weekend around the theme 'stormy waters' - those difficult phases in our lives when we're thrown off-course and we can really struggle.

It reminded me of an occasion when I was literally caught in a storm. I was on a dinghy sailing holiday in Greece. Each day the group, inexperienced and experienced sailors alike, would sail out in convoy to a new destination and then back again.

On this particular day the boat I was in included two men, neither of whom I knew and neither had sailed before. Following a wonderful sail in glorious sunshine over to a neighbouring island and a delicious barbecue, the instructors suddenly asked the group to get ready to sail back very quickly. We couldn't understand why - we were on a relaxing holiday, after all.

Within minutes of leaving the shore, the grim reality struck home. A storm began, and all the boats were lashed with high wind, heavy swell and rain. It was difficult to see each other's boats, let alone steer a straight course.

Very soon the wind was so high that the boat was tilting dangerously, threatening to capsize.

It was all very frightening. My fellow passengers were clinging to anything they could hold onto in the boat. But none of that was helping to keep the boat upright. I was leaning desperately out of the dinghy, trying to balance it, whilst they steadfastly remained in the middle of the boat. Asking them to move politely had little effect.

I knew we would capsize unless we all worked together to right the boat.

Not one usually to resort to expletives, I shouted one or two choice words at my companions to get them over to my side. From that moment on, we worked as a team to balance the boat.

Thankfully, we made it back to the shore - and we felt fabulous for doing so. Some in the other boats had to be rescued from the sea and various points along the coast. Fortunately, no-one was lost. Within an hour of returning, the sea had become like a millpond.

The experience was one I would not wish to repeat. However, it was a great learning opportunity....

Pushing the boundaries of our comfort zone can be very scary, but can also bring a huge sense of achievement and enable us to recognise our skills and abilities.

Working with others as a team we can achieve things we thought were impossible.

Sometimes we have to be a bit cruel (or even use expletives!) to be kind.

It is possible to survive the harshest of storms, and even storms have to end.

I'm not planning on sailing through any more stormy waters, though none of us can avoid some of life's storms. So when the next one hits us, perhaps we can remember that if we draw on our own (and others') amazing resources and skills, we can get through it and the storm will end.

Giving it away

I'm reading a great book at the moment - The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards.

It's about the decision of a father to take his Down's Syndrome daughter from the mother at the birth of the girl and her twin brother and give her to a nurse. He tells his wife the child died, leaving the mother only aware of her son's birth. The story tells of the ongoing huge impact the father's momentous decision has on the whole family.

It is beautifully written and the mounting tension and grief of the different individuals over this devastating secret is fascinating.

Aside from the engaging story-line, there is one particular paragraph which stood out for me. It tells of a meeting between the father and the nurse he'd entrusted with his daughter. It talks about how she'd felt she loved the father all those years ago: "She had been so young, so lonely and naive, that she imagined herself as some sort of vessel to be filled up with love. But it wasn't like that. The love was within her all the time, and its only renewal came from giving it away."

Many people I come into contact with through my work feel empty of love when we first meet. They feel unfulfilled and are desperate to have a 'proper' relationship with someone.

Often it takes a while before they see that love doesn't just happen. Love is about being in a position to be able to offer, as well as receive, love. Love is about loving yourself first before you can be loveable to others. About thinking how you can go out into the world and share your friendship, your talents, your warmth with others, rather than how they can fall in love with you.

Get the focus right - giving away your love - and love for you will usually follow.

Have a great day

Still on the 'travel' theme, we've just come back from a trip to America.

It's fascinating discovering how our English-speaking neighbours, just across the Atlantic, do things in some ways so similar and in others so differently to us in the UK.

One habit many Americans have is to close any conversation with "Have a great day!" This can be really endearing, particularly when said by someone who seems to take a real interest in you and when accompanied by a smile. The UK still has much to learn from the US about customer service - on many occasions we experienced the really polite, interested and friendly help that makes any transaction so much more enjoyable and personal.

I also read a few American newspapers whilst I was away. One reported some recent research about how to feel good. I forget the detail of much of the article, but it concluded by reporting on new evidence that the act of simply smiling can actually make us feel better.

This backs up something that's been known for some while. That if you want to improve how you feel, acting 'as if' can actually help you become like that. For example, if you want to improve your confidence in meeting a new group of people, simply pretending to be confident in those situations can have the desired effect.

Back to the research about smiling, one of the reasons it works could be to do with the fact that if you smile, it can be contagious, and you'll find those around you smile more too. And of course our bodies are well used to connecting the act of smiling with feeling good - so by smiling we're tricking ourselves that we feel good, even though we may not have started out that way.

Worth a try? Why not?

Have a great day!